DEAREST SHELF ELF...
Mom and dad insist that you are real. They continually tell me that you are watching and you are faithful in reporting my doings to Santa. However, I must insist that "YOU ARE PRETEND! You do not talk. SANTA IS REAL. Not you." So, I am sorry to disappoint. I will not be walking on egg shells this year. I plan to take my chances, look around a few times and act. If Santa has a problem with my behavior I will speak to him myself. Thank you very much.